Planning...

I, am a planner.  Or I try to.  If I have time; I'll plan.  Make lists in my head and sometimes I'll write them down or research the hell out of it and plan with that information.  Last year, Andy and I took our very first vacation together; alone.  We started talking about it just before Christmas 2009.  I started looking online for vacation packages right away.  I found that Southwest Airlines has the best packages available for Las Vegas.  Even beats out BJ's and Priceline.com.  I researched all the hotels on the strip up, down, sideways and around till I figured out which one we would be most comfortable in and it wasn't going to cost us an arm and a leg.  I had to wait, before I could book the trip.  Andy's employer gives out bonuses every year at the end of February.  I was chomping at the bit, but I was in 7th heaven just researching and looking at reviews and pictures of travelers over in Las Vegas and just thinking about what shows we'd see and places we could go; it was awesome.  Then the day came for my being able to book the package and the hotel I'd chosen with Andy's feedback, was no longer available.  It threw me for a loop, temporarily, until I could find the 2nd best hotel.  There was some anxiety in this trip.  We'd be leaving our kids home with my mother for a week.  At first, my sister in law and brother were going to take Ben and Lauren for the week, but something happened there where it just didn't work out.  My mother assured me that she and Jen could look after the two younger ones with no issues.  Our biggest issue was whether or not Jen would live up to our expectations and whether or not Ben would be able to sleep without me nearby.  And the next biggest issue was that this was the first time I'd ever flown in plane.  A little background; from the time I turned 13 till sometime in my late 20's; I had terrible dreams of planes crashing; people falling out of the sky, etc.  I was always a bystander in this and never died or was hurt in my dreams, but the fear associated with these dreams made the actual reality of flying a little bit scary for me(9/11 did not help me with this phobia of mine).  Ever here that song from Alanis Morrisette "Ironic"..there's a line there:  Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

I went to my doctor and asked her for something that I could take so I wouldn't freak out on the plane.  I'd seen a youtube video about this guy who was having a complete panic attack on the plane he was on and some jerk using his cell phone; shot the video of this man's really bad moment and posted it on youtube for all to see.  I felt so bad for him, but at the same time, was kinda worried I'd be in the same way.  So, that morning we were to leave, at the airport, I ended up taking two pills..one did not take away that anxiety I was feeling.  I was kinda amazed at how small it is in a plane and how they can fit so many people in such a small space.  As we started taking off from Logan, I think I could have easily broken a bone or two in Andy's hand.  I actually leaked out a tear or two once we were up above the clouds.  We had a layover in Denver..so we had to take off twice and land three times along our way.  Landing didn't bother me so much as taking off did.    I think it might be a bit of a control thing.  I hate having someone drive me...doesn't matter where I sit in the vehicle...front.  Back.  I don't like it at all.  Andy has always been very understanding and only once in a blue moon will insist on driving.  This is where planning comes in...a control thing really.  Planning a party..a wedding...a trip....in our case...Andy's return from the hospital after the stem cell transplant...CONTROL...need to have a semblance of it I guess.  With an illness like Andy's, there really isn't any control as to what the doctors think will work best, how he'll respond to chemo/radiation treatments, how quickly he'll grow healthy cells once the transplant is complete...but when he comes home; I can control how we keep him from getting sick and needing to go back into the hospital or worse.  The thing is to keep this home of ours as clean as possible so that there isn't a hint of mold or mildew.  So, the planning comes into play.  I need...get that word...NEED...to plan on how WE (that being myself, the girls, my mother and even Ben) will keep this house clean together.  Right now, chores are done on an as needed basis.  The kids don't have an assigned chore per se; they do the chore (sometimes after much annoying whining or bartering or trying to get out of it) when we ask/tell them to do a chore.  Now, one thing to know about me is that I HATE...get that word too...HATE, cleaning.  I am not obsessive compulsive about cleaning.  I'll clean because it's necessary or if it's clutter that needs straightening out; I'll do that because after a while it gets on my nerves.  So, this whole thing about keeping the house very clean; it's daunting to me but my husband is so worth it.  So, I've decided to plan on cleaning this house from top to bottom..like a spring cleaning and then keeping it clean by putting each chore on a schedule.  I figure that if we can get used to doing these chores on a daily..every other day..once a week kind of schedule; then by the time Andy is released from the hospital it won't be so exhausting to start up this routine and my kids won't be giving us as much a hard time as they would if I just sprung it on them.  It'll be somewhat old hat by then.  I can only hope. :)  I'll check back with you in a couple of months and see how that's going..lol...I'm a bit determined though.  We have to do this to keep Andy as healthy as he can be as he recovers from the transplant and as his body hopefully starts building up new and healthy cells and he is in remission, or even better, cured. :)  As a side note...when I first met Andy, I was not one who made their bed every day.  I'd get the blankets/sheet and pull it up in a messy kind of making the bed; sometimes.  But shortly after Andy and I moved in with each other; he mentioned to me that he needs to have his bed made; it's a thing.  I wasn't working at the time so I felt like since he worked and I didn't, it was the least I could do while he worked all day.  We've been married 13 years now and I now have to have a made up bed.  If I don't make the bed, I feel slightly guilty and I feel out of it.  In a way, I'm hoping that this will become as much of a habit as making my bed is to me now.  I like the idea of a real clean house, but, as of this moment...I still HATE cleaning. ;)